Wednesday Weigh In - April 20, 2016

This is going to be a quick post for me to "come clean" about my weight, and start fresh, today, after a lightbulb moment or two yesterday.  (I've been super busy at work, but I'm hoping you'll see a fun post recaping my half in Knoxville soon.)

Over the past two months, I've really been struggling with my weight.  The scale has actually creeped up to a number I hoped I'd never see again.  Throughout my training and subsequent marathon, I maintained around 143-145 pounds, and I was okay with that.  In the month after the marathon, my weight would occasionally go up a couple pounds above 145 after an indulgence, but I would get back to my plan and it would come back down.

But in the last two months, I have had a really hard time, and I have seen the scale creep higher and higher, as high as 151 pounds.  I never thought after losing 50 pounds four years ago that I would ever see 150 on the scale again.  The 140's isn't as low as I'd like, but to me, 150 is a sign to me that I'm really off track.

Yesterday, I had to drive to a meeting for work, and I had a lot of time in the car to think.  As I reflected, I realized that the last two months have not only been a struggle with weight, but this has coincided with a really difficult period in my life.  A person who had been my very best friend, at work and outside of work, is not who I thought she was for all these years.  This person who I had confided in and trusted for over six years showed her true colors overnight, and I quickly realized she was not the person I thought she was, and she was certainly not my friend.

Not only did I lose who I thought was a very close friend, but this person is still trying to sabatage me at work, even though she is no longer employed there.  I have tried to take the high road and let it go.  I thought that I was over it, but I realized yesterday that I am still upset and hurt and letting her stay in my life by not truly moving on.  

I am an emotional eater from way back, so when the timing of my weight gain and this situation dawned on my yesterday, I got mad.  I am allowing her to have a negative affect in my life still.  While I have been professional at work and refused to sink to her level, in my heart, I have allowed her to take residence, with her negative, hateful words and actions, and it has affected how I live my life.

I share this now for two reasons.  First, I do believe that what we look like on the outside can truly reflect what is going on inside of us.  For me, eating emotionally has been a way of life since I was eight years old, and over the last four years, I had it under control for the most part, but clearly, it was still a habit hiding under the surface, waiting to rear its ugly head.  

Second, I wanted to make a statement that I am taking my body and mind back.  I am mad.  Outwardly, I've tried to take the high road and not share sink to this person's level, but that left me eating my feelings, gaining weight, and feeling miserable.  I am not going to change my behavior and seek "revenge" on her at work; however, I am NOT going to let her spend one more minute in my heart or head either.

So today, I'm putting it all out there.  My weight this morning was 150.2.  My short term goal is to lose these extra pounds and get back to my "maintenance range" of 143-145.  My long term goal is to lose at least 10-15 more pounds, but preferably, my goal weight would be under 120, since that's where my BMI is considered "healthy."

Thanks for listening!  Have a great week!

What's new?

As has happened several times in my blogging history, I am coming back from a several month hiatus from blogging.  I honestly don't know why I stayed away this time - initially it might have just been about time, and there's always that nagging feeling that I don't have anything interesting to say.

But here's a quick recap of what's been up with me since my last post in NOVEMBER!!

First, and most importantly...

I am a marathoner!!  I completed the Walt Disney World Marathon in January, and am so happy I took on this challenge.  The experience was wonderful, and painful, but mostly wonderful.  My amazing husband ran with me, despite the fact that he can run a marathon much, much faster than me. He cheered me on when I was tired, and we jokingly would say "every mile is magic" every time I felt it was getting long, or hard.  I never wanted to finish anything so much in my life, and over those last miles, I decided this would definitely be a "bucket list - one and done" kind of thing.  It didn't take but a few hours for the pain to subside and the desire to run another marathon to rear its head.  In fact, in the first weeks after the marathon, I flirted with the idea of not just another marathon, but a 50K, because I felt the need to continue pushing the limits as a runner, and for a little while, I felt like "just" running half marathons would be weak and silly.

This is not the most flattering picture as I break into tears at the finish line, but I love it because I think it captures everything I was feeling.  And a few moments later...I was all smiles!

But the post-marathon swirl of emotions cleared, and I was back to training for my next half marathon, the Tom King Half in Nashville.  It was my third time to run this race, and my 20th half marathon.  I ran with my daughter, and didn't go into the race expecting to do anything but finish, even though my current PR was on this course in 2013.  However, it was a gorgeous day, and we had an amazingly perfect race, and I came within one minute of my PR.

I think I was channeling my inner marathoner by wearing the same skirt!

The last month, I've been sick and my training has suffered, and my monthly mileage for March was the least it's been since last June, before I started marathon training.  I have a half marathon on Sunday, in Knoxville, and I hope to have a good race, though given the last month, I know I'm not in PR shape.  

On the weight loss front, I managed to maintain my weight through marathon training (which I've heard can be difficult), but now I really want to focus again on weight loss, as I know even losing a few more pounds will help my running.  Other than my school's 5K on April 16, I don't have any other races on the calendar, so I am giving a run streak another go, to help with motivation.  I really want April to be another great mileage month, regaining whatever fitness I lost in March, and my goal is to lose 5 pounds.

Sorry for the LONG recap, but those are the highlights of the past 4 months or so.  I promise to blog more regularly from now on.  

Thanks for reading!

Weigh In Wednesday - Week 2

Good morning!  I've just finished week 2 of #project42 - working toward reaching my goal weight by my 42nd birthday in April.

If you remember, I actually gained weight last week from my starting weight.

Starting Weight:  148

Last Week: 150.2

But, as you can see below, I lost 3.8 pounds this week!

To reach my #project42 goal, I need to average 1-1/2 pounds a week of weight loss.  So technically, I am now a week behind where I need to be.  (I should have been at 145 this week to be on target.)

But I am not giving up, nor am I discouraged.  I am bound and determined to keep moving closer to my goal...one baby step at a time!

So by next Wednesday, I am aiming for somewhere in the range of 143.5 - 145.  

Have a healthy week!  Thanks for reading!  

Weigh In Wednesday

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have decided to begin #project42, or my efforts to reach my goal weight by my 42nd birthday next April.  In order to do this, I need to lose about 1-1/2 pounds per week.  I will be checking in on Wednesday with a real-deal honest appraisal of how I did for the previous week.

I began my journey last Wednesday at 148 pounds, so my goal for today was 146.5.  

How did I do?

As you can see from this screenshot of my daily weigh ins on My Fitness Pal...not well.

I am up 2.2 pounds this week.  

On the plus side, I tracked and ate well on Wednesday and Thursday of last week.  You see a little dip in my weight to 147.2 on Friday morning.

Then I stopped tracking for 5 consecutive days.  

And you can see the results of that.

Another positive this week though is that I've been a lot more consistent with my running, and I finally got back to 20 miles last week.  I have been getting shorter runs in on the treadmill in the morning M-F and then running outside (one short, one long) on Saturday and Sunday.  

I tracked well today, and even stopped at the grocery store on my way to work this morning to buy some salad for lunch so that I would not be tempted by anything else at lunchtime.

Not to be discouraged, I am still working toward #project42.  I am not giving up, and I want to jump right back in and have a great week.  I have to work on using food as a relaxation technique when I have a stressful week at work, because as happened last week, unwinding at dinner on Friday night can lead me straight into a 5 day spiral out of control.

I am going to work very hard this week to make up for lost time, and my goal is 3 pounds this week, so that I am back on track.

145...Here I come!!

Have a great week!

Weekly Weigh In #6

Good Tuesday morning everyone!  I hope you've had a great week of weight loss!  I truly believe that consistency is the key to success, and I have tracked and stayed at or below my target calories now for 17 days.  There have been some moments of difficulty, but I have overcome them and am stronger because of them.

Let's see what the scale said this week:

Starting weight on 6/3/14:  151.4 pounds

Weight last week:  148.4 pounds

Today's weight: 147.8 pounds

Loss:  -0.6 pounds

Overall Loss:  -3.6 pounds

Goal weight:  120 pounds

Pounds to go:  27.8 pounds

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Not a huge loss this week, but a loss is a loss, so I'll take it.  In the 2+ weeks since I've been consistent with my tracking, I've averaged a loss of a pound a week, which is healthy and steady, so I'm not complaining.

Here's to another great week of weight loss!!

Weekly Weigh In #5

Good morning!  I have been sticking close to my plan, and have stayed at or below my target calories for 10 days now.  And the results of my consistency are...

Starting weight on 6/3/14:  151.4 pounds

Weight last week:  150.0 pounds

Today's weight:  148.4 pounds

Net loss:  -1.6 pounds

Overall Loss:  -3.0 pounds

Goal weight:  120 pounds

Pounds to go:   28.4 pounds

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I also joined a Dietbet (hosted by Mindy at Road Runner Girl ) and I have to lose 4% of my weight in 28 days.  If you want to join us, it's not too late!!  She has a great post explaining it all here.

Here's to a great week of weight loss!  

Jen

Weekly Weigh In #3

Good morning!  I did not do a post last week, though I did weigh in on Wednesday.  We got back in from Seattle late Monday night, and I had a lot to take care of on Tuesday, hence the delay in blogging!

I'm back on schedule now, so here are my numbers from the last two weeks:

Starting weight on 6/3/14:  151.4 pounds

Weight two weeks ago (on 6/17):  149.2 pounds

Weight one week ago (on Wednesday 6/25):  154.2 (!!!)

Today's weight:  151.6 pounds

Net loss/gain from last two weeks:  +2.4 pounds

Overall GAIN:  +0.2 pounds

Goal weight:  120 pounds

Pounds to go:   31.4 pounds

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Good:  I lost weight from my weigh in last Wednesday.

The Bad:  I have gained over two pounds since 2 weeks ago.

The Ugly:  I actually weigh more today than I did when I started one month ago.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Bottom line:  I have no excuse.  I have not done what it takes to lose weight during the month of June.  I must change this right now, or I will continue to regain weight, and I can't do that.  I worked to hard to lose it the first time.  I WILL NOT do what I have always done and regain the weight I lose plus more.  This stops now!

Here's to getting back on track, for real this time.

Weekly Weigh-in #2

It's Tuesday, which means it's time to come clean with what the scale had to say this morning.  As I mentioned in my Weekly Chase post yesterday, I logged my calories with My Fitness Pal 6 of the past 7 days, but I was over my allotted calories everyday (until yesterday).  I really wanted to eat something last night while watching a movie with the family, but I resisted.  My goal this week is to not only log my calories, but stay within my allotted calories each day.

Starting weight on 6/3/14:  151.4 pounds

Last week's weight:  149.8 pounds

Today's weight:  149.2 pounds

This week's loss:  -0.6 pounds

Overall loss:  -2.2 pounds

Goal weight:  120 pounds

Pounds to go:  29.2 pounds

While technically I had a loss this week, I know that if I had been more consistent in staying within my calorie goal each day, I could have lost more.

Last night when I wanted to eat, but didn't, I mentally told myself that it was like a half marathon.  Sometimes I will feel as though I just want to give up, but I don't because I want the medal.  Achieving my weight loss goals is like the medal at the end of the race.  And the only way that I get that medal is by perservering and finishing the "race."  I can't quit when it gets hard if I want to cross that finish line.  

This week will be a challenge as we will be traveling to Seattle.  Eating out for every meal is difficult, but not a reason to quit.  The good thing is that it will be an active trip - from running RnR Seattle, to all the walking we will be doing around town.

I hope you have a great week and that you reach all of your weight loss goals!

How did you do with weight loss this week?

Motivation on Monday

Good Monday morning!  I hope you all had a great weekend!  Mine was busy with work (I don't usually work on the weekends, but this time of year I do.  On Saturday before work, I was able to squeeze in some treadmill shopping with hubby (we decided to buy a treadmill as our anniversary gift to each other, and we are a little behind, as our anniversary was in November!) and then I ran Runs for Cookies Virtual 5K in my neighborhood.

The weather was warmer than the single digit temps we had all week, and I had a great run.  Not a PR for me, but I felt really strong the whole run!  By the way, if you haven't checked out the Runs for Cookies blog, you should.  I stumbled upon it via Instagram last week and was very inspired.  Her weight loss story is amazing!

Sunday I had to work from 8-1, and I had a 13 miler on the plan, so hubby and I made plans to meet at the greenway after I finished work to run.  It was a beautiful day with temperatures in the 50's.  But I made the mistake of thinking I could run 13 miles without eating lunch.  No, Jen, a cup of coffee and cereal bar will NOT be adequate fuel.  I made it about 3 miles, then happened to run back into hubby.  I told him how I was feeling, and he suggested we just walk back to the car together and go home.  We did, and I got a total of 5.7 miles for the day, including the walking.  Not what I was hoping for, but now I know better.  My next half is in less than two weeks, and this will be the first time I didn't run 13 miles two weekends beforehand.  

I haven't posted in a while, but that's not because I haven't been writing posts.  I've just been keeping them to myself, or publishing them, and removing them right afterwards.  I'm in kind of a funk, and I think the weight struggle is the source of it.

I caught up on Biggest Loser last night (I was two weeks behind) and I was really moved by Jennifer, who had this fear holding her back when trying to do the box jumps.  

I could really relate, and know that if Jillian told me to do the box jump, I would act in very much the same way.  But Jennifer finally got hold of her fear and overcame it, successfully making the box jump.

For me, making the box jump encompasses a lot.  Getting to my goal weight, looking like a "real runner," running faster...Maybe some of my fear stems from the what if's...what if I can't get to my goal weight...what if I get to my goal weight, and I'm still not happy with how I look...what if I get to my goal weight and I'm still a slow runner...

I don't have the answers right now, but this is why I haven't posted all week.  My posts are all ramblings of this same struggle, and not likely to be very helpful to anyone.

I'm starting another day, another week, with the intention to lose weight, run 20 miles, and feel better about myself.  I'll keep you posted!

Thanks for reading - have a great week!

Saturday Summary

Hello everybody!  Hope you are enjoying your weekend so far!  The weather is gorgeous here, and I can't wait for my long run (13 miles) tomorrow!  

Here's my wrap up for the past week:

1.  Had some beautiful, scenic runs at the state park where my work conference was held Sunday through Tuesday.  It was hot & humid, but definitely a nice change of pace.

2.  I received two awesome things in the mail this week, which I plan to wear at my next half marathon on September 28 (only two weeks away!).  The first is my Team T-Rex shirt.  If you don't know about Team T-Rex, you should definitely check out trexrunner.com.  Danielle is a great writer who blogs about her quest to be a fifty states marathoner.  I love reading her blog!  So I was very excited when she offered Team T-Rex tech shirts for sale (shirts which have been known to increase awesomeness and the likelihood of a PR).  I'm pairing the shirt with my new neon green sparkly soul headband.  

3.  Three weeks from today, we'll be arriving at Disney World and that evening hubby and I will be running the Tower of Terror 10-miler.  We are super excited as this will be our first Disney Race.  We had actually planned the trip a long time ago, and I had no idea it coincided with a race.  So when I found out, I registered us both and gave the registrations to hubby as a Valentine's Day gift.   Anyway, yesterday we received our Magic Bands in the mail.  This is something new they are trying out, so we'll see how it works.  But it's always a good day when something Disney arrives in the mail!

4.  I had a great run this morning!  It's nice when you can finally run when the sun is up and not be dying before the end of the first mile.  I got in 3.5 this morning and they were some of the fastest miles I've run since May.  Now, if only the weather could be this beautiful in two weeks...

5.  I'm holding my own as far as my weight goes.  I've pretty much maintained my fifty pound weight loss for nine months, not counting gaining a few pounds (and losing them back) over the summer when we were on vacation.  Technically, if you calculate my BMI, I'm overweight.  When I look in the mirror, I know I'm not as thin as I'd like to be.  But, I'm definitely in the best shape of my life, and I'm the happiest I've ever been.  I've been as much as 25 pounds lighter than I am now, with extreme dieting and no exercise, and I was miserable.  So I'm not giving up on the weight loss, but if I don't lose 25 more pounds, I can still live a great life at this weight.  Still tracking, still working on it, but no more stressing about it.  Life is good.

(and I can still share a margarita with hubby while listening to a mariachi band on a Friday night!)

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Recommitting

For the month of April, I had the lowest miles I had run since last August.  Part of the reason is just being crazy busy, and often times I didn't make the time to run after work.  I decided that I had to make a change, and make sure I got my run in.  So I decided that the only time of day I pretty much had total control over was mornings, and I committed to getting up every morning and running at 5:00 am.  I decided that I wanted to build a habit and not have days I ran and days I slept in, so I committed to a streak for the month of May, where I would run at least 1 mile a day, every day.  I figured when I would normally take a rest day, I would still get up and run a mile.

We are nearly half way through May and I have kept my commitment.  I started getting up in the morning to run on April 30, so my streak as of this morning is 15 days.  I am very proud of that and I couldn't feel better about my running progress right now.

Unfortunately, I have let my food tracking and weight loss get seriously derailed!  I stopped consistently losing weight around Thanksgiving last year, when I hit the 50 pound mark.  I figured maintaining over the holidays was an accomplishment in itself, so I didn't stress too much about not losing in December.  But for the past 4 1/2 months, my weight fluctuates daily and has been as low as 140, and as high as what I saw this morning - 149!!!  I do not want to go back.  Every time I have lost weight in the past, I have always regained it.  I will not allow that to happen this time.

I am recommitting TODAY to suck it up, and get back on track with my food.  I know that I don't have any followers on this blog (yet?) so there's really no one out there reading this, but for me, I needed to make a declaration that I will not let this continue.

I am back to tracking every bite with My Fitness Pal.

I will not allow myself to fail.

I have come too far to go back now.

My goal weight is 115.  I started my journey at 192 pounds.  I have a long way to go, and even once I get to 115 (and I WILL get there), the journey is far from over.  I know how easy it is to slip back into bad habits.

I can do this!

THINK STRONG - BE STRONG - FINISH STRONG!!!